‘Just like so many families’: US parents of substance-dependent children relate to the Reiners – but fear stigma.

When the story surfaced that a prominent couple had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it brought addiction back into the public spotlight. However, parents grappling with a loved one’s addiction fear the discussion will focus on an extremely uncommon act of homicide rather than the more widespread dangers of the condition.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the news. They were merely familiar with the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to opioids and later heroin, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and jail. After seven excruciating years, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” says Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters didn’t survive the disease of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through their own use, a relative’s dependency, homelessness due to addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or loss, according to 2023 data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or tens of millions of people, had a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how powerful you are,” stated Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the murders will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg noted.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really a threat and the potential for causing violence.”

She also cautioned against jumping to conclusions about the reported involvement of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether drugs or mental health issues were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and this condition, and fill in the gaps to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may lead to agitation, a violent crime like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything even approaching to aggression. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is significantly more likely to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not of their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my greatest terror. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get a phone call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the ER saying a son was not breathing; from jail, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle isolation—wondering if the addiction was caused by some mistake they made; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be perfectly happy one day and in despair the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are can achieve recovery.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of illness, you can get over this condition, too. You can recover and be successful,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you stumble, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they loved him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll reach out and take it.”